As we are forced to return to work or school this Monday I feel as though most of our minds will be focused on our events of the weekend, parties we may have attended, new restaurants we tried, and perhaps the most exciting of them all, football. This last weekend was especially thrilling as it determined who was going to the Super Bowl, with the Patriots defeating the Ravens, once again proving the only thing Baltimore does well is have a crime problem and then act as a setting for shows about said crime problem (The Wire), and the Giants defeating the 49ers in an epic overtime duel.
Well kind of epic.
While I could talk about how much of a stud Tom Brady is and how Billy Cundiff is the new most hated Billy in sports, well only for a little bit, don't worry Buckner, Boston will hate you again soon enough, I want to discuss overtime. Playoff overtime is presumably something that I should be excited for, what a better way to end an intense nail biter with an epic duel, winner takes all, school yard rules, right?
Wrong.
Maybe it was the fact that I was sluggish from the copious amounts of wings and pizza I ingested throughout the course of the two games, but I couldn't help but be bored during the overtime. I thought it was just more of the same, and even when the Giants came out victorious I was left wanting more. And so I came up with some new rules of my own.
1) Teams can only run the ball with their linebackers.
I'm tired of watching more of the same cute, safe play by sticking to the ground game. It is that style of play that got you to tie anyways. I'm gonna force you to throw it. It keeps me awake. And if you still don't want don't trust your QB, then what screams excitement more than someone like The Fridge barreling down the field at a top speed of 5 miles per hour, trucking safeties trying to bring him down? Eat your heart out Arian Foster, that's how you pick up yards.
2) XFL rules are implemented.
XFL on paper was awesome. It was like football if convicts played it. That's the real Longest Yard. The problem with it is that it never got the right medium to showcase its true potential. No football fan will watch a bastardized version of their sport, and it lacked the soap opera drama WE fans secretly lust for. But what a better place for the rules to be implemented than in overtime football? You guys are equal? Well what if we allow Ndamukong Suh to stomp on your face multiple times? Game Changed.
3) No punts.
By far the most boring part of the game especially since about 90% of them end in fair catches, the most anticlimactic thing ever. Five men are barreling toward the guy about to catch the ball. They are going to truck him, everyone is on the edge of their seat, and then he calls a fair catch. In any point of the game the defense should be allowed to get a free hit on someone who calls a fair catch. But I digress, if you take the punt out, it truly does make you use all four downs and makes for a better gutsier game. Plus then they would always go for it on fourth and one, every football fan's secret wet dream.
4) If the overtime lasts more than one period, switch sports.
Now some of the purists may find this a little too unorthodox for their liking but hear me out, so the two teams are equals on the football field, well what about on the basketball court? Or tennis? Ice hockey? Who wouldn't want to strap some skates on Clay Matthews and watch him wreak havoc? All I'm saying is that it certainly keeps the game interesting. Also, The team that decides what sport they will compete in first have to have their coaching staff beat the other staff in a tug a war tournament. So yes, we can finally see Rex Ryan fall on his face.
5) Patriots always win.
If the game is tied and the Patriots are one of the teams, then they win the game. No exceptions. I know what you're saying "Mark, that rule makes no sense. It's stupid and biased toward the Pats. And I hate Brady's hair!" To which I say that I'm sorry but when it comes to the Pats and rules they don't need to make sense, suck it Raiders, all the counts is that we win games and Goldilocks has rings! Get at us!
Hopefully these new rules will lead to a more exciting overtime battle between teams in the NFL next year. In the meantime best of luck to both teams in the Super Bowl, except for the Giants. I hate them.
So I guess just go Patriots!
-Mark Albano
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| Source:http://fattyhall.blogspot.com/2010/06/william-refrigerator-perry.html | We could have seen more of this with these rules, William "The Fridge" Perry presumably about to throw the football down and eat it after scoring a touchdown. |
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